Two carpenters were working on a house. The one who was nailing down siding
would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over his
shoulder or nail it in.
The other, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing
those nails away?"
The first explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed toward me, I
throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it
The second carpenter got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails
pointed toward you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck!"
"I see your eyes are working" replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord. "I see your ears are working" says the duck, "now can I have my beer and
my sandwich please?"
"Certainly," says the landlord, "sorry about that, its just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing
round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road" explains the duck. So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich
This continues every day for two weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes
into the pub and the landlord says to him; "You're with the circus, aren't you? I know this duck that would be just
brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!"
"Sounds marvelous," says the circus ringleader, "get him to give me a call."
So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a
top job. Paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?" "At the circus" says the landlord. "The circus?" the duck
enquires. "That's right." replies the landlord.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle
and all the cages?" asks the duck. "Exactly!" says the landlord.
The duck looks confused. "What the hell do they want with a drywall man?"